Hello Readers! Today's spotlight is on Destinee. She shares with us her story of how she found herself back on her right path after being lost for a few years. I hope her story of determination and faith in what she believes in helps any of you who might be feeling a little lost, or overwhelmed with where you are in life. Remember, we are all on different paths and no matter where you are now, it's never too late to turn your life around and live life how you want to live it!
I’m Destinee McCalmon, I’m a 23 year old student, mommy, wife, and much more. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I've been a member since July 25th, 2009. Nearly 5 years. However, 2 of those (almost) 5 years, I spent as an inactive member. I was lost, and the only thing I was active in was the search back to my sanity and back to the church. This is my story.
I’ll try to make this short, but I doubt that’s going to happen. I was baptized in 2009, about 9 months after my dad suddenly passed away from a heart attack. If you’ve ever lost a parent, I’m sure you’re with me when I say that I was convinced it was God’s fault. For nine long months, I spent my time convincing myself that God was the culprit. He took my dad from me. Then one day, I figured it out. I was right! Heavenly Father DID take my dad from me, because He needed him more than I did. I accepted that a couple of weeks before I was baptized. What a load off my shoulders that was. So we’ll fast forward from 2009 to 2010. Nothing big happened, I continued my journey on my search for myself and I thought I had a grip, but looking back now, I was completely wrong. I had AMAZING friends, Monica being one of them! I spent my nights hanging out, my days working or lounging by the pool, and then one day I decided to up and move to New Mexico to be with my mom and stepdad. I spent a lot of time driving back and forth between New Mexico and Arizona, because I hadn’t really settled down yet. I missed my friends, I missed my social life, and I missed the familiarity of Arizona. Halloween weekend 2010, I had planned on spending in Arizona with my cousin. So I packed up my bags and drove over. The weekend passed, and the day before I was going to head home, I got a phone call saying my mom and stepdad had been arrested. My stomach somehow landed in my throat. I was sick. Since that’s another entire story in itself, I’ll just spare the details and basically say that they were busted for drugs. Shocking, I know. It’s something that I struggle with still today because I’m their daughter so I must’ve been doing them too, right? WRONG. About a month after that took place, my mom had been released from jail on special conditions (she had a FIRM set of rules she couldn’t break). I was in Arizona because that’s where my support system was. After Christmas, she begged me to permanently move to New Mexico to help her. She needed a moral support system, a reason to wake up, basically. She was severely depressed and she had all the guilt in the world on her chest. So I moved. I left all my friends, all my support, all the things I was familiar with, and basically everything I’d ever known. I spent January 2011 trying to find a job, which was difficult because anywhere I’d apply, I had to use my parents address which was just blasted on the front page of the local newspapers just a couple of months prior. Fast-forward a month and I had finally found a job. I was working full time as a CNA in the nursing home here in town. I had started hanging out with my brother on the weekends. We’d typically go bowling when I got off work. This is where all my fun began.
One night, I had gotten off work and my brother invited me to the bowling alley to bowl with him and some friends. My cousin was there, and we basically just flocked to him and the guys he was with. I sat down to relax for a few minutes. I had just worked a 13-hour shift, so I was exhausted. I needed some fun though! Dillon approached me, sat down, and we clicked. Instantaneously. The next night, we hung out again. The weekend ended, another week passed, and I found myself at the bowling alley again after work on Friday. Dillon was there again. We hung out all night, bowled a few games, and went home. Saturday rolled around, and yet again, I was at the bowling alley after work that night. Everyone had started to get bored of bowling, so we decided to go to our friend Wyatt’s house to watch a movie.
Now I’m just going to clear something up really quick- Truth or Consequences (the town I live in) is a very small town. There aren’t a lot of people. It’s a country town and it isn’t abnormal for people to hang out with people younger than them. I had JUST turned 20, so to hang out with 17 year olds was not a problem. My cousin was 16, my brother was 16, so it wasn’t a big deal at all.
Back to my story- we left the bowling alley and after a little adventure around town, we ended up back at Wyatt’s house. On our little “adventure”, Dillon had held my hand a few times and I was going nuts. I was so skeptical about it because he had told me he was 17 (turning 18 in July), and that was a little young for me, but my stomach was flooded with butterflies. He was SUCH a charmer. When we got to Wyatt’s for our movie night, we ended up putting on some music and we all danced and just hung out. It started to get pretty late, so we all calmed down and we put a movie on. Then it happened. He kissed me. HE KISSED ME! I died a little inside. My stomach flipped a few times, I’m sure. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I remember laying my head on his lap as we watched the movie and I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, it was about 7 AM, and I left Wyatt’s house to go home. Later that day, Dillon and I (and everyone else) ended up hanging out. My mom let us take the quads out to the track to go riding. We spent the day together and that evening, we ended up kissing more!
The night ended, and over the next week, my cousin had told me that Dillon had talked about me and I was referred to as “his girl”. We had text a lot and hung out every day during lunch. Dillon was still in high school. The weekend approached and we hung out again, all weekend. The following week, I found out. Dillon wasn’t 17. He was 15, a sophomore in high school, and he’d be 16 in July. I could’ve cried. We were inseparable! I had fallen for him, we weren’t “official”, but we hung out EVERY DAY. What was I supposed to do? My mom was so concerned. I was concerned. I was embarrassed. I was scared. He was SO young.
It took me a few days to figure out what I was going to do, but I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let his age affect my feelings for him. I had many people tell me that age was just a number, and if it’s meant to be, it will be. So that’s what I went with. I lived with it. So now we will fast-forward some more, to June 2012.
Dillon and I had lived together and after almost breaking up in March 2012 (after a year of dating), we figured out where we were both wrong in our relationship, and we fixed our problems and moved forward. His mom had started to disapprove of our relationship because she felt he was too young to be in a relationship as serious as ours. Although it was her who had allowed me to live in her home, in his bedroom with him, she had changed her mind after 7 months. So I moved out. All of a sudden, Dillon had all these rules. He had a very early curfew, he wasn’t allowed to sleep at my house, and he wasn’t allowed to stay out later on the weekends. A list of rules that he never had, he had a hard time adjusting. His mom left for a week in the beginning of June, and she left Dillon home because he had to work. He ended up staying every night at my house and upon his mom’s return, she found out that he was gone the entire time and he was grounded. He tried talking to his mom about the sudden change of rules and everything she had thrown his way and it turned into a fight; a fight that caused Dillon to want out. His only way out (without going to court for emancipation) was to have a baby. We discussed it, and we decided we’d try.
On July 28th, 2012, after a trip to the emergency room (I faked sick, because I’d made numerous appointments and taken countless at home tests – all were negative), we found out we were pregnant! Announcing it was rough. Family was disappointed. Nobody knew what we had done. In everyone’s eyes, it was an “accident”. Looking back, I know that regardless of our choices, my choices, Heavenly Father had a plan. I strayed away from the church for a reason. I moved to Truth or Consequences for a reason.
In October, I returned to church for the first time since October 2010. 2 years. 2 LONG years. A member of the branch here had reached out on Facebook for a babysitter, and I offered. Dillon and I needed any extra money we could get, so this was perfect! She invited me to church and although I hesitated, I went. After a few weeks of going to church, Dillon had started asking questions, so I invited him. I didn’t push, I just put the invitation out there, and he took it as he pleased. He eventually joined me, and the missionaries approached him and set up an appointment to talk to him about discussing the church with him.
After completion of the lessons, Dillon was baptized on January 27th, 2013.
Now through all of everything else that had been going on – our almost breakup, Dillon’s problems at home, getting pregnant, us moving into our first home together, baptism, and everything else in between – Dillon had been in the process of enlisting into the Air Force. This was the reason we had gotten married when we did, which was in November 2012, btw. November 16th to be exact. He wasn’t allowed to enlist as a “single parent”, and with us not being married; he’d be considered a single parent. Our wedding was nothing spectacular. We were very, very short on money. It was very last minute, and it was definitely not the wedding I’d dreamt of my entire life. I was 5 months pregnant. I was huge. I didn’t fit in anything. I felt so disgusting. I was sick all day. We got our marriage license and went to the courthouse and had the judge sign it. He did a little “ceremony” for us, but all in all, it lasted about 20 minutes. I cried like a maniac, and we followed the courthouse shenanigans with a small reception/luncheon at church. This was all planned in less than a week, so it wasn’t ideal. But for Dillon’s papers to be turned in for the Air Force, it had to be done, and fast.
So now that we have that all covered, I’ll move on to DeLainee’s birth. We spent the following months after Dillon’s baptism just waiting and preparing for the baby. My due date was April 1, but I was convinced she’d be here before then. I was wrong. April 13th was the day she finally decided to show up. After 31 long and strenuous hours of labor, she finally came. 8:22 PM, 8 pounds 3.9 ounces, and she arrived at 41 weeks 5 days gestation. I went into labor naturally and ended up getting an epidural, despite my plan to have a natural experience. My body was shutting down and I needed to rest- that’s the short version, though. All in all, she was healthy, happy, and definitely the cutest baby on earth.
A few months passed, and one morning in June, Dillon was getting ready to go to work, when he got a call from the Air Force recruiter. When he hung up, his face instantly flushed and tears just fell from his eyes. They had told him he couldn’t join due to some law violations he had when he was 13 and 14 years old. Yes, you read that correctly. Things that you do when you’re 13 and 14 will haunt you. Dillon really struggled with this. Especially since he was a very new member to the church and was just taught that your past is irrelevant and Heavenly Father won’t hold it against you. But then here it is again, slapping him in the face. He finished getting ready for work, and I dropped him off and had to go to school for a few things. When I got there, I got online and looked up the Army recruiter’s number. Dillon and I had discussed back up plans, just in case. He was adamant that he wanted to go into the military, for numerous reasons. He’s wanted to be in the Army since he was a little boy – the only reason the Air Force became and option was because a recruiter approached him and reeled him in. So I took it upon myself to call the Army recruiter and talk to her about the situation and what had just happened. She told me that she wanted to talk to Dillon about a few things, and asked us to be there the following day at noon. DONE DEAL. On September 9th, 2013, Dillon enlisted and was sworn into the United States Army with a ship date of November 12th. 4 days before our first wedding anniversary. I was excited, but sad. Basically every emotion you can feel, I’ve felt, up until this exact moment. As I sit here typing this. I’ve been without my husband for 119 days. I’ve been two parents for 119 days. I’ve done everything on my own since November 12th. It is very nice not having to worry about money, and not having to work. Dillon’s check gets deposited into the bank account and I pay all the bills and do as I please for the rest of the month. It’s nice being able to go shopping if I want to. It’s nice being able to not worry about whether or not we’ll be able to pay our phone bill for the month. But it isn’t about money. Well, maybe a little bit of it is. The big picture is this: although I’ve been alone, I’ve learned so much about my family, my faith, and myself.
I’ve always been told that Heavenly Father wouldn’t face you with something you wouldn’t be able to handle. I let myself believe that. This might sound harsh, but that is one of stupidest things I’ve ever let myself believe. Although it took me the past 3 years to realize this – I’ve learned that if you take your obstacles, your problems, and everything else you are dealing with, and put them in the hands of Heavenly Father, He will guide you through anything. He doesn’t face you with a problem and expect you to deal with it alone. That’s what He is there for! Just like an earthly father, He is here for us. He will offer advice if you listen. He will love you unconditionally. He will give you a shoulder to cry on. He is here for us, we just have to open up to Him.
If you’ve read this entire story, props to you. I cut as much detail out as I could so it’d be ideal for a blog post – but it’s still extremely long and I’m sorry. I just hope I inspired someone. Anyone. This thing is hard. Life is rough. That’s the point, though. If life were easy, it’d be no fun. I don’t want to shove my religion down anyone’s throat, because I’ve never been the type to do that. Whatever you do believe in is important. It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or not, as long as you have some sort of faith, that’s enough. I still struggle with it; I think we all do. But I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the Gospel in my life. My husband and I are planning on going to the temple to be sealed as a family sometime between the end of April and the beginning of May (granted, the Army allows him time off). It’s been a long time coming, and trust me, this didn’t work out the way I thought it would. I never would’ve thought I’d marry someone 4 ½ years younger than me. I never thought I’d marry someone who wasn’t a return missionary – but when I started dating Dillon, I knew. 2 weeks into our relationship, I knew. Although I wasn’t faithful, I wasn’t obedient, I wasn’t a good person for a LONG time, I eventually found my way back to church and Heavenly Father has blessed me with a husband who changed every aspect of his life to build a foundation for our family, at such a young age, too. I’ve been blessed with a beautiful, wonderful baby girl. I have a home, and the best job in the world. I’m able to go to school. I have a vehicle. I have a support system that has never given up on me. And most importantly, I have finally realized the importance of remaining faithful and being obedient. None of this would be possible without Heavenly Father.
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If I can say anything to anyone about life, it’s this – stay faithful, stay strong, never look back, and always always always trust yourself. There’s a bigger picture than what you realize, and there is a reason for EVERYTHING.
{If you like what you see, feel free to comment, or follow the blog for more stories of life, and how we are all trying to make it great and make our mark! shipsetsailblog@gmail.com -Monica <3}
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